When I was a little girl ,I was always dreaming about what love looked like . To me, it meant not letting people down, always being available for them if they needed me, it meant always watching over them in order to protect them.
It meant NEVER telling them NO. I forced myself to hug people that I didn’t want to hug because when I was a child I was taught that it was rude to not hug them back and that it would hurt their feelings. I began to feel bad because I thought that I was being MEAN if I said No. I hated to hurt people .
This opened up a door that traumatized me . It left me defenseless as a child believing a LIE that this is what love looks like, NO boundaries. I lost my virginity at 15 to a boy that would use manipulation in order to get me to sleep with him. These were his words. “IF you love me than you will let me, if you dont then I will find someone else who will.” I was terrified of being rejected so I gave in. He left me for another girl months later that REFUSED to sleep with him.
I even began to date men that I didn’t like because I FELT bad that if I said no that they were not my type, I would hurt their feelings. In the end I still hurt their feelings or they hurt mine when it was another failed relationship . I was FORCING myself to date them so I wouldn’t have to reject them . I didnt want to be mean or the bad guy for hurting their feelings. I was TRAPPED and enslaved to a LIE and grew angrier each time.I didnt know what was TRAPPING ME? It all started when I was age 4 .
Guess what ?? Everything that I was trying to avoid was STILL happening , it was JUST on the other side in the breakup and it caused FAR more trauma for both of us in the long run. Than it would have if I would have just said no that I didnt want to date them.
My point is this . Teach your children how to say no . If they dont want to hug someone dont FORCE them.
Yes, it might make them look bad and it might even make you look like you raised them wrong . It may hit your pride because its about how you look to others but the truth is we are in a war and it is for our children.
Ephesians 6:12 KJV
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Dont tell them that their act hurt someones feelings .If we make our children responsible for other peoples feelings then you are preparing them to become someone elses slave. This in turn creates a bitterness within ones soul ;they can grow up believing that life is not about their happiness as much as it is about making others happy.
It is amazing that many people will tell you if they have animals that an animal can discern a bad spirit in the room. So can children , so please learn to listen to their feelings.
Galatians 1:10
10 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
This is profoundly true and I wonder how many women will look back at their life and see how they too were forced into the same trap.
Thank you for sharing this important message. My hope is it’s seen by a lot of people, and that it helps start the healing.