PLEASE Make it STOP!!

For years I went from church to church seeking answers for my troubled mind. I had so much fear from past traumas and I rehearsed over and over again how people had hurt me . I couldn’t make it STOP!

I played the record over and over again in my mind as though each time that I played it I was going to have a different outcome. I was trying so hard to find peace in a place that I had planted bitterness.

Each time that I played this record I would beat myself up as though beating me up was going to help me. It’s like I was trying to POUND this lesson into my SOUL so I wouldn’t allow it to happen again. I had No idea that I was trying to find healing for my broken heart by USING the WORLDS Method of deliverance! WRONG ANSWER!

In order for me to find the peace that had been promised to me in the bible I had to learn how to forgive those who had hurt me so I began saying “I forgive them and each time that the memory came back of how they had hurt me I kept saying I forgive them but NOTHING was changing in my heart. In fact I was growing angrier and angrier because nothing was working! I was doing what the church was telling me to do but the words weren’t working WHY?

Ephesians 4:32

 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

You see the power was NOT in my words it was in the word of GOD.

Then one day I stumbled upon this bible verse in Matthew 5:44 that taught me how to pray in order to forgive those who had hurt me.

Matthew 5:44
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you..

I heard someone online say that I needed to pray for the people who had hurt me and ask God for the very things that I wanted him to do for me.

Matthew 5:7

⁷ Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Matthew 7:12

 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

So I wrote out my list of people who had hurt me and I began to pray. Let me TELL you something, it FELT like I was chewing NAILS as I prayed to forgive everyone who had hurt me. My feelings were all over the place . I could feel the Holy spirit nudging me to just keep praying.

I asked God to forgive them for hurting me as I prayed that they would forgive me. I prayed for their salvation, , for them to find healing for their broken hearts,which I didn’t think that they had by the way. I prayed that they would find true love, find a good job to supply all of their needs but most importantly to find God himself.

My heart was crying because I had gone through so much loss. One failed relationship after another ,friends had left me, men had sexually used me and then the men that I loved would leave me over and over again because I needed to much from them.

My spirit was beyond broken. My heart was shattered in so many places that you could have made a Mosaic out of the pieces. I had NO idea what Gods word could do for me ,but I was willing to try anything and pray one last time that it would WORK.

In my mind as I was praying I could hear my thoughts” Thats just great ! Gods going to bless them with all of the things that I have asked him for and I am going to be stuck watching them with someone else and I am the one who is truly hurting.! You see I couldn’t see their hurt, I could only feel my pain , not theirs.

Even though I was having these thoughts plague my mind I did NOT STOP praying as the word told me to pray. Faithfully each day I prayed that same prayer OVER and OVER again UNTIL on the 90th day I got my BREAKTHROUGH!

Each day that I prayed this prayer, SOMETHING was changing in my HEART. I began to actually BELIEVE and WANT what I was praying for all of those people that had hurt me. I wanted to see them happy, even if it was without me. Tears were flowing .

It was at the 90 day when I went into my room to pray once again, NOT knowing that TONIGHT was going to be my BREAKTHROUGH!

I began to get short breathed and I could FEEL the DEMONS in my room trying to STOP me from praying. Then all of a SUDDEN I threw my hands out like I was hanging on the cross with JESUS. I began to cry just like Jesus did “Father Forgive them FOR they knew Not what they had done. It was the MOST amazing thing because all of a sudden it felt like 30 years had come off of my life and I got up in the morning to look out of the window because it was a new day.

As I was looking out the window my spirit came out of my body and was LIFTED to the ceiling upwards. I looked down and could see my feet were still on the ground. . It felt like I was hovering above my body. It scared me because I felt like I was going to fall. Suddenly I re- entered my body and I began to look outside the window again. The grass was greener , the sky was bluer . My heart was filled with peace . God was showing me how much bitterness had weighed me down and when he released it ,because of HIS WORD ,I sprang upwards to the ceiling. It was a NEW day in Christ for me for this was my very first healing!